Taming the Advice Monster: Why Great Leaders Talk Less and Coach More

Ever notice how quickly you jump in with advice? Someone on your team brings a challenge, and before they’ve even finished explaining, you’re already solving it in your head. You’ve got experience. You’ve seen it before. You want to help.

That instinct feels productive — dare I say even generous. But it’s also the reason many leaders unknowingly stunt growth in their teams. The moment we leap in with a fix, we feed the Advice Monster.

Meet the Advice Monster

Coined by Michael Bungay Stanier, the Advice Monster appears every time we can’t resist giving a solution.

It’s that voice whispering:

‍“Say something clever. Prove your worth. Show them you know.”

It’s seductive. You feel useful. The conversation moves fast. People seem grateful. But over time, this habit quietly reshapes the dynamics between you and your team.

Because when you lead by answering, not by asking, you become the centre of every decision. Your team stops thinking for themselves. They look to you for direction, approval, validation. Eventually, they stop believing they can solve their own problems at all.

The Hidden Cost of Constant Advice

Let’s be clear — advice isn’t bad. It’s just badly timed. When offered too soon, it steals the chance for someone else to reflect and explore. It fills the air with your thoughts, not theirs.

And when this pattern repeats, something corrosive happens:

• Conversations become one-sided.
• People learn to wait for your answers instead of finding their own.
• Confidence slowly erodes.

This creates a “just tell me” culture. Teams lose their spark for problem-solving. Leaders burn out from constant decision-making. And creativity, that vital ingredient of innovation, gets smothered under layers of good intentions.

The Coaching Shift: From Fixer to Think Partner

Coaching flips this dynamic. Instead of rushing to fix, coaching invites curiosity. It’s about creating a space where people can think for themselves, not by themselves.

A coaching-led leader doesn’t hoard wisdom. They unlock it in others. They ask thoughtful, open questions that spark reflection:

• “What’s really going on here for you?”
• “If you could try anything, what would you do?”
• “What’s one small step you could take right now?”

These questions do more than uncover solutions. They send a message — I trust you to find the answer. And that trust fuels confidence, ownership, and growth.

How to Tame Your Own Advice Monster

Taming the Advice Monster isn’t about silencing yourself forever. It’s about awareness and balance. Try this simple three-step approach:

1. Pause before you pounce.
   When someone brings you a problem, resist the urge to jump straight in. Take a breath. Count to three. Let them finish.
2. Get curious.
   Instead of offering advice, ask one open question. Let it hang. Don’t rush to fill the silence. Curiosity invites deeper thinking.
3. Reflect and reinforce.
   When they reach a conclusion, acknowledge it. Reflect their insight back: “That’s a great observation — sounds like you’ve already got a clear next step.”

These small shifts might feel slow at first. But over time, they compound. You’ll notice more initiative, more engagement, and more genuine problem-solving across your team.

The Real Payoff

Here’s the irony: the less you advise, the more effective your advice becomes. When people come to you having already thought deeply, they’re ready for perspective — not prescription.

Your words land differently. They carry weight. Because they’re offered at the right moment, to someone who feels capable, not dependent.

And that’s what great leadership is: not holding all the answers, but creating an environment where answers can emerge.

So, the next time your Advice Monster perks up, pause. Smile. Let it growl quietly in the corner. Then, ask the question that lets someone else shine.

Because taming your Advice Monster doesn’t make you less of a leader — it makes you the kind people want to follow.

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