A practical guide to giving feedback that people embrace

Feedback gets a bad reputation. For many people, the word alone triggers anxiety, defensiveness or dread. That is understandable.

Most of us have experienced feedback that felt like criticism. Or judgement. Or a surprise attack.

But in coaching, feedback has a very different purpose.

What feedback really is and why it matters

At its core, feedback is information.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.

Its intent is positive.
Always.

In a coaching context, feedback exists to support learning.
To deepen understanding.
To expand awareness.

When we offer feedback well, we help someone see what they cannot currently see.
Their blind spots.
The impact of their behaviour.
The ripple effect of their actions.

This increased awareness creates choice.
And choice is where growth lives.

The individual decides what to do with the data.
What to keep.
What to change.
What to experiment with.

Feedback is not about fixing people.
It is about empowering them to learn, reflect and choose.

That is why how we give feedback matters so much.

Why most feedback fails before it even starts

Even when intent is positive, feedback can miss the mark.
Usually for one simple reason.

The recipient is not ready to hear it.

No permission.
No context.
No emotional safety.

Without these, feedback feels imposed.
And imposed feedback is rarely embraced.

That is why we start with CDA.

The CDA model

Contract. Data. Action.

It creates the conditions for feedback to be received as learning rather than judgement.

Let us explore each step.

Step 1. Contract

Get permission. Build readiness. Create choice.

Contracting means you explicitly check whether the other person is open to receiving feedback.
You invite them in rather than pushing information at them.

This reinforces the purpose of feedback as learning.
Not evaluation.

What contracting sounds like

• Would you be open to some feedback on that presentation
• Is now a good time to share an observation
• I have noticed something that may support your learning. Are you happy for me to share it

This step raises psychological safety.
It lowers defensiveness.
And it prepares the brain to listen rather than protect.

If the answer is no.
Respect it.
Agree another time.

Choice remains with the individual.

Step 2. Data

Share observations, not assumptions.

Once permission is given, you move into data.
This is where awareness is raised.

Data is what you noticed.
From your perspective.
Without judgement or interpretation.

To keep feedback clear and grounded, we use the SBI model.

The SBI model

Situation. Behaviour. Impact.

It provides a clean structure for sharing observations that support learning.

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Situation

Anchor the feedback in a specific moment.

This helps the recipient recall the context and reduces confusion.

Examples

• In yesterday’s team meeting
• During the client call on Tuesday
• When we reviewed the project plan last week

Specific beats general every time.

Behaviour

Describe what you observed.

Stick to visible actions and words.
Avoid labels.
Avoid assumptions about intent.

Examples

• You spoke over two colleagues while they were sharing updates
• You arrived ten minutes after the meeting started
• You interrupted the client several times

This keeps the feedback factual and fair.

Impact

Explain the effect.

This is where awareness expands.

Share the impact on you, on others, and on the situation or outcome.

Examples

• It made it harder for others to contribute
• It disrupted the flow of the meeting
• It left the client feeling unheard

Impact connects behaviour to consequence.
And consequence fuels learning.

Bringing SBI together

Here is how it might sound.

In yesterday’s team meeting
you interrupted Sarah and Tom while they were sharing their updates
and it meant they did not finish their points and the team missed some important detail

Clear.
Neutral.
Useful.

Step 3. Action

Turn awareness into choice.

After sharing the data, pause.
This is where learning deepens.

Rather than telling the person what to do, invite reflection.

Powerful questions include

• What are your thoughts on that
• What do you notice hearing this
• What might you choose to do differently next time

This keeps ownership with the individual.
And reinforces the true intent of feedback.

Awareness first.
Choice second.
Action follows.

How CDA and SBI work together

CDA creates safety and structure.
SBI delivers clear, usable data.

Together, they transform feedback into a learning conversation.

1. Contract
   Would you be open to some feedback about the client meeting
2. Data using SBI
   In Monday’s client call
   you answered most of the questions without pausing
   and it meant the client spoke very little and seemed disengaged
3. Action
   What are your reflections
   What would you like to do with that information

A final reflection

Feedback is not about being nice.
And it is not about being harsh.

It is about being intentional.

When feedback raises awareness, it unlocks choice.
When choice is present, learning accelerates.

Contract first.
Share clean data.
Invite action.

That is how feedback becomes something people embrace.

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