You're Not Listening - Kate Murphy

You’re Not Listening – Why Every Coach Should Read Kate Murphy’s Wake-Up Call
Because listening isn’t waiting to speak. It’s a superpower.

Coaching isn’t about having the answers.

It’s about listening for what’s not being said.

In her eye-opening book, You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters, journalist Kate Murphy unpacks something we all think we’re good at… but most of us rarely do well.

Listening.

Real, deep, generous listening.

For coaches, this isn’t just a nice-to-have skill. It’s core to the craft. And Murphy’s book is a much-needed reminder to slow down, shut up, and tune in.

Listening ≠ Hearing

Murphy explains that in a world filled with noise – notifications, opinions, distractions – true listening is becoming a lost art.

We’re quick to advise.
Quick to judge.
Quick to fill the silence.

But when we listen properly, something incredible happens. People feel seen. Understood. Respected. And that’s the foundation of trust. As coaches, trust is the container that holds every powerful conversation.

Why it matters in coaching

Coaching isn’t about fixing. It’s about creating space. Space for people to hear themselves. Space to think differently. Space to explore the messier bits of life and leadership but if we’re not really listening, we’re missing that magic.

Murphy’s book shows us how listening transforms relationships, strengthens empathy, and builds deeper human connection.

Exactly what great coaching does.

Big takeaways for coaches

1. Silence is golden

It’s tempting to jump in with another question, a reframe, or a nudge. But silence lets insight breathe. Try waiting a little longer. Let the pause do the work.

2. Curiosity beats certainty

Murphy reminds us that good listeners aren’t the ones with the smartest responses. They’re the ones with the most genuine questions. Bring your curiosity – not your cleverness.

3. Listen to understand, not to respond

When we’re truly present, we’re not planning our reply. We’re not steering the conversation. We’re fully focused on the other person. Clients can feel that difference.

4. Distraction kills depth

Multitasking in coaching? No thanks. Murphy highlights how distraction breaks trust. If you’re checking your phone or half-thinking about your next session, your client knows. Be here. Fully.

5. Listening is an act of love

It sounds soft, but it’s true. To listen deeply is to say, “You matter. I value your voice.” And in a world that often shouts over people, that’s a radical act.

Your coaching superpower

After reading You’re Not Listening, you may realise that the most transformative part of your coaching isn’t your questioning technique or your favourite model.

It’s your presence.

The way you truly listen.

To the emotion beneath the words.
To the pattern behind the story.
To the pause that says more than a sentence ever could.

That’s where trust is built.
That’s where clarity lands.
That’s where change begins.

Final thoughts

Kate Murphy’s book is a brilliant, bold reminder: listening isn’t passive.

It’s active. Intentional. Transformational.

For coaches, it’s not just a skill – it’s the heartbeat of your practice.

So the next time you sit with a client, take a breath.

And really listen.

Because sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say… is nothing at all.